On Adulthood.

I would not recommend becoming an adult to anyone. I feel like it’s a constant struggle between what you truly want to do and what will give you the most benefits in the long run. Which mostly is financial benefits – to pay your bills. It’s the constant reminder that no matter how much you love your parents/family, you cannot be with them all the time. Constant reminder that life moves on. Whether it’s going on well for you or not.

However, a few things I really enjoy about adulthood is that you can smell your own lack of manners from miles away and be able to either stop yourself before it happens or go ahead with it, with full knowledge that whatever you are about to do is not wise, and that you should be ready to face it’s consequences.

Recently, I was reading Robert Greene’s ‘The Laws Of Human Nature.’ I enjoyed it a lot, mostly because it made me look into myself, my life’s choices and patterns, and I got a few ideas of who I am, without pointing at other people or other external factors. Among many things, he mentioned that all human beings were born with an equal share of qualities that we consider socially acceptable and those that we consider socially unacceptable. For instance, we learn early on to suppress the side of ours that feels envy, anger, hatred – just to mention a few, and we learn how to show kindness, humility and happiness even when we genuinely do not feel that way. This is because we want to be accepted and not to be considered bad people by others. It was mentioned that the bad qualities never fully go away and that they come out in one way or the other, but that does not mean that we are bad people. It simply means we are human.

Adulthood is being able to recognize all these traits in yourself, both the good and bad, and accepting that there are days in which you will behave so well that you want to pat yourself on the back, and there will also be days that you will embarrass yourself. And there is nothing you can do about it. It just comes.

It’s monitoring how you spend your money and being sobber on financial management. We learn this after we’ve unwisely spent alot of money but it’s never too late to know how to spend and save money well.

It’s being able to accept that you haven’t been a good friend to your best friend and that they deserve a friend who will treat them better even if it means breaking off the friendship. And forgive yourself while at it Being able to put boundaries where they need to be, while respecting those that others have put for you.

I have realized that there are questions that deserve to have a disclaimer before they are asked, and they are many. Questions that are sensitive and are too intrusive – they all shouldn’t be asked. If you need to know, you will be told. People are going through a lot of issues, sometimes they battle their issues out in private, don’t probe a lot if you feel the questions are making them uncomfortable.

Growing up has made me love my body, for what it looks like now, and for the changes it’s experiencing. My body has been a good host for all these years and there’s a lot I have experienced because it responded well and even when I haven’t felt well, It has never stopped pushing on. It’s unfair that we criticize our bodies so much and they do a lot for us – until they stop, then we realize that we had the best health, we just didn’t know.

Learning how to cook is one of the greatest skills we should learn. Don’t sleep hungry with your house full of food. And in the same manner, don’t let your neighbour sleep hungry if you can help. Assist where you can.

You will meet people who will be so proud of you, just for your existence. Nothing you do takes away the love they have for you. You will sometimes wish you could be able to see yourself from their eyes. These people will push you out of your comfort zone and will never allow you to give up on your dreams. The least you can do is reciprocate the goodness that they send your way. What goes wrong with this kind of a relationship is that sometimes you will disappoint them. Somehow you might find yourself unable to commit to their expectations of you. Or things might not go the way you envisioned them to be, and it will kill you inside to know you are failing them. Don’t worry, that’s adulthood in play. You are always in the middle of something. Either decisions. Feelings. Or emotions. You will work your way around it.

Someone you know will die. Sometimes it’s a parent. Sometimes it’s a childhood friend. And since you are now a fully grown adult and you understand the depth of death, it affects you in different dynamics and the pain takes too long to go away. Sometimes you listen to a friend speak so passionately about something, and it reminds you of your lost loved one; your emotions will forget that you’re an adult and will start misbehaving. But this will enable you to understand that you are stronger than you will ever know.

There will be hard days that everything looks like a mess and you have to make a solid decision. When that day comes, please stay true to yourself. You deserve your own honesty, among many good things. It saves everyone’s time. In life we win and sometimes we don’t. But life goes on. Realizing something isn’t for you requires strength and bravery and if you have both, you are doing well.

We have heard a lot of ‘nobody owes you anything’ but loyalty in relationships is paramount. We can never be too civilised for a genuine friendship. We have to be safe spaces for the people who hold us in high regard. Honour your family and the people close to you. Support them. Adulthood demands that we treat people well, at least in the same way that we would love to be treated.

On skills, I have learnt that it’s important to find a skill that you enjoy doing, and become the best at it. It will save you on a rainy day. Ensure that you keep practising so that you update yourself on the latest versions of it. Like a house that should be dusted daily to avoid piling up of dirt, a skill should be worked on oftenly. Find one thing that you believe in and hold on to it. While on that, allow yourself to try new things, you never know what the outcome might be.

Accountability should have come at the top because it’s vital in all relationships. Whether it’s family, friendships or work-related, we have to be intentional about being accountable to the things that concern us. You have to say sorry when need be, inform your boss on where the project is standing, and to inform anyone who needs to know about something, at the right time and in the right manner. We have to admit that sometimes our pride is at stake but anything that needs to be done, must be done. It’s not always about you and you cannot let all friendships go, sometimes it’s you who needs to start the conversation.

Social media will make you realize that life is not black and white all the time. I have accepted that the are many greys in between. And I treat everything like that. By looking at the many sides to it.

In summary, life passes by so fast. Do the things that need to be done. Be a responsible citizen. Speak up for yourself, and for others. Enjoy yourself. Buy fitting clothes – you owe to yourself that courtesy. Stop buying clothes that are 2 sizes smaller – waiting for you to lose weight. Don’t do that to yourself now.

Adulthood is teaching us a lot. Maybe the last one in this article would be ‘Sometimes it’s not KPLC. Hawajakata stima, ongeza tokens.’